They say talk is cheap but does talking too much make me cheaper? For the past two weeks, I’ve been writing things that are deeply personal but haven’t posted them out of fear I’m saying too much. I wonder, have I spent hours and hours delving into subjects better left on a Psychiatrist’s couch?
I often see the world as my canvas and use my words and emotions as my paintbrush. I take an instance, internalize it, make connections, and then spit it back out on paper. I do it by using resources such as family and friends. However, are there things I shouldn’t write?
Should I post the letter I wrote to a Judge on behalf of a deceased friend? Should I express my relief when I learned the term gaslighting and that I wasn’t going crazy, I’ve been a victim of it? What about my experience helping my parents with their house that has grown too large and too much for upkeep? Or my feelings about my parents getting older? Because they involve others, do I have the right to write it?
I wrestle with concepts like, is it my story if it has happened to someone else? Does the event belong to me if there are others who experienced it too? When I write about my loved ones, and it isn’t in the best light, how will that make them feel? Also, how do I feel about it?
I’m constantly concerned about outing people through the things I write or tapping too deeply into those dark places to reveal something about myself. Just because I can, should I?
It can be said that anything written is a practice in perception by the person holding the pen. It can also be said that not everything should be a “dear diary” moment.